Word on the street is that Jonathon Street is still upset…about…you know not getting the word on the street. Well, he keeps sending me texts about all the fun things he’s doing to try and show me he doesn’t even care. Apparently, he’s found a way to Neverland. I mean, big deal, the instructions are there for everyone on how to get there…you just need to fly and follow a star or something, but little does he know…FYI…Neverland isn’t nearly as fun without Michael Jackson, so you go right ahead there guy…how’s that stupid?
Rumor has it that Aaron Rogers is the fantasy messiah. He probably atoned for all of your draft sins if you picked him up.
The word around the water cooler has it that at the preseasonal press conference, Captain Jack Bryan said he needs someone else to beat the Rat this year (for those of you who don’t remember Rat only had one loss last year). Bryan said, “Rex Ryan is probably the greatest man ever. I mean, do I have a picture of Jesus on my wall? Well, yes, of course I do. I’m a Christian! Christians have feelings, and guess who is right beside my picture of Jesus? That’s right…Rex Ryan. As far as I’m concerned Rex Ryan will be with Jesus when he comes again. Where will I be? That’s right…on Rex’s right hand…which will be coincidentally on Jesus’ right hand. Don’t quote me on that.”
Word on the street is that Jesus watches New York Jets football (and by Jesus I don’t mean the guy I teach English to in the ESL program); I mean did you see that comeback? What a miracle that was. Dallas, I’m sorry but Jesus doesn’t love you or BYU…this week.
Rumor has it Anthony doesn’t want to talk about playoffs, but when asked about whose team he thought looked like a sure winner; and team to beat in the playoffs he absolutely gushed about Jeffry’s team. “If Jeff’s team was a man I would want to be his hot lover. It keeps me up at nights; honest to God it does. I log on to espn probably twenty times a day just to stare at it; marvel at its beauty; its genius. It’s probably the Miami Heat of fantasy football teams. Drew Brees? Are you #%*&$ kidding me? How can you top that?”
Rumor has it that Anders is the Varys (the eunuch from Game of Thrones) of fantasy football…his little birds are everywhere…
Word on the street is that Jason was so very excited to be the one to create Dale Nation this year. “Honestly, I wasn’t too impressed with the league name last year; however, ESPN has a better site save for the fact I can no longer add my own logo for my team. ESPN’s logos are super lame. “
Jason went on to give some other possible names for the fantasy league:
Condom Nation
McKenna Football Rules
The Clap (A fantasy football nation)
Abomijason Nation
Bishop Bowen’s 3 B’s
Furthermore, Jason wasn’t impressed with the QB TD’s only being worth 4 points last year; so he devised a plan on how to change it back to 6. Rubbing his hands in anticipative glee; he sent out the Facebook message letting everyone read of the change knowing full well that his greatest opponent was no longer on Facebook. When asked about the change after the formation of Dale Nation 5 Jason responded, “What? No one moved a finger to create the league; so instead of all this boo hooing about the change back to 6 points just remember whose ass it was that I pulled out of the fire. Without me there would be no Dale Nation! I AM DALE NATION!” Jason slammed his palm on his table…then composed himself; stuck his nose up in the air, and folded his arms and said, “Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Fantasy Football.”
Rumor has it that Austin Robert English started a kicker that didn’t even play…Nate Kaeding (the kicker) is out for the season. He apologized to his fantasy owners…especially after his high draft position. He invited Austin to the Isle of Tortuga. Austin, just remember he apologized. Just let it go.
Word on the street is that the Rat is up to his old tricks again; leading the Dale Nation in points scored from week one. Good job guy!
Rumor has it that the song, It's not gay if it's in a 3 way was inspired by Austin English and Ryan Lee. A very anonymous and reliable source says that they can prove it with the replay. Furthermore, the whole thing about nothing being gay if there's a football around and the "nice ass" ass grab is just another excuse to touch each other. Apparently, Anders has heard the giggling coming from the next room for some time now.
Word on the street has it that everyone and their dog is trying to pick up Cam Newton off of waivers. I hope Austin QB Factory English picks him up.
Norwegian Power Rankings:
- The Rat
- Baby Bee
- Brandi
- The Itch
- It's good mood food
- I Jaced in my fine pant (Arcteryx)
- Camsa (Volcano!)
- Flyer
- Marckennian Childrens
- Utah Jerzz
- Brick-tastic
- Awesomeness!
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