It was a balmy 65 degrees Fahrenheit in Austin Robert English’s condo. I was all wrapped up in a Mountain Hardware sleeping bag rated down to 20. I thought I’d be okay in that. Little did I know the coming chill that would encompass my whole being. I was playing the latest installment of the Final Fantasy series (which is probably the worst ever) when my leg started to vibrate; one vibrate for text, multiple vibrates for a call. There was a single long vibrate that seemed to course up my leg like a girl playing “are you nervous.” It could have lasted hours; that first vibrate. There was only one vibrate. That’s how I knew it was only a text. I paused my game just as Lightning was about to deal a killing blow on an adamantoise to check my phone. I looked to see who the message was from but all it said was “Anonymous.” My heart started to beat faster as I opened the message to read the contents. Suddenly the 65 degrees didn’t feel so balmy as the text registered in my mind. It read, “Send me the word on the street or else.” That’s when I knew…Jonathan Street is still upset about not getting the word on the street.
JT sighting! Rumor has it that JT has been sighted outside of his abode. Apparently while making a purchase at Smiths, market fresh everyday…Smiths!, Anders heard his name being said and turned. JT was standing there. A little scruff was on his face and he was looking like he had just woken from a cat nap. Anders could almost picture him answering the door at Scotty’s with a Raider blanket slung over his shoulders. He said hello and vanished into the Smith.
Word on the Street has it that Jason is mentioned in Katy’s relationship blog.
According to a very anonymous and very reliable source at a recent drop Anthony and Jeff were recently overheard at the docks talking under a single street lamp in the dead of night. It went something like this:
Anthony: “If I told you the Loch Ness monster hired me to hit the harbor, what would you say?”
Jeffry: “Yeah, I’d sooner believe Keyser Soze hired you.”
Anthony: “Who is Keyser Soze?”
Jeffry: “Who is Keyser Soze?
Anthony: “Yeah, what did I say? Who is Keyser Soze?”
Jeffry: “Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.”
Anthony: “Do you believe in him, Jeffry?
Jeffry: “Jason always said, "’I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him.’" Well, Anthony, I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.”
Word on the street is that the British comedy The IT Crowd is the best show ever (probably old news). Actually, I’m just hoping Johnny reads this spreads the word in his Jerms…
Rumor has it that after much testing in his labs at work and home Cams has found the answer to the long asked question, “How is babby formed?”
Word on the street is that The Itch is a form of VD similar to that of Moby Dick. Not quite so cumbersome as The Butterfinger but easier to catch than Crabs or The Stomp.
Rumor has it that Sandi drafted Bryan’s team after she had broken out of her cage and beaten him severely. Now here are her preseason rankings:
1. Team B-ry
2. Raider – ettes
3. I’m thinking RB’s
4. The Rat
5. The Itch
6. The Clap
7. The Stomp
8. Utah Jerzz
9. Brick-tastic
10. Awesome
11. How is Babby Formed?
12. I Jaced in my Pant
13. . P F Flyers
14. Stuff N Things (Someone tell Cams to change his abbreviation to STFU)
15. Hey Guy
16. The Amazing Bratwurst of Saxony
Rumor has it that league Dale Nation has formed a super conference and has 16 teams. Pac16 and Sec16 to follow?
Word on the street is that during halftime of the BYU game Austin Robert English was racing bees outside his condo. He wanted to test his speed against bee speed since he heard it was similar to SEC speed. This might not seem so daring a feat; however, did I mention these were killer bees and that Austin is allergic to bees? After soundly defeating the killer bees and after the BYU game Austin said, “SEC speed what?”
Rumor has it that Bryan is now confined to Sandi’s cage. Sandi is now in control of Team B-ry. (Sandi if you’re reading this; Bryan text messaged me to let you know to please muck out his cage).
Word on the street is that Baby needs a new pair of shoes.
No chance you're still reading this but if you are…Notable Quotes:
From JT to Shelly…
JT: “Work that dance floor. They may vote you Mayor Jazz one day and give you a plaque that says ‘She wore the tightest of pants’.”
Shelly: “I was already wearing tight pants...I just did not activate them!”
Cameron digresses about lunch:
Cams: “I just got back from lunch and it could not have been worse. The entire thing was a disaster and I don’t plan on getting any work done for the rest of the day. Here’s a list of my lunch break/the apocalypse:
- I forgot a fork and had to use a public fork
- I was the only person in the kitchen who wasn’t pregnant
- I burned my hand on leftover rice
- I smiled at a cute girl and she didn’t smile back
- My pear wasn’t even ripe”
Word on the street is that the other night the greatest thing ever in the world happened. I can't say what it is, but it was great. I wanted to tell everyone, but they said I couldn't. It was definitely way better than what you would think it would be, if you knew what it was. And you would for sure guess that it would be pretty amazing.
I can't think of anything else.
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