Word on the Street - Dale Nation Week 1

Word on the street is that Jonathon Street is still upset…about…you know not getting the word on the street. Well, he keeps sending me texts about all the fun things he’s doing to try and show me he doesn’t even care. Apparently, he’s found a way to Neverland. I mean, big deal, the instructions are there for everyone on how to get there…you just need to fly and follow a star or something, but little does he know…FYI…Neverland isn’t nearly as fun without Michael Jackson, so you go right ahead there guy…how’s that stupid?

Rumor has it that Aaron Rogers is the fantasy messiah. He probably atoned for all of your draft sins if you picked him up.

The word around the water cooler has it that at the preseasonal press conference, Captain Jack Bryan said he needs someone else to beat the Rat this year (for those of you who don’t remember Rat only had one loss last year). Bryan said, “Rex Ryan is probably the greatest man ever. I mean, do I have a picture of Jesus on my wall? Well, yes, of course I do. I’m a Christian! Christians have feelings, and guess who is right beside my picture of Jesus? That’s right…Rex Ryan. As far as I’m concerned Rex Ryan will be with Jesus when he comes again. Where will I be? That’s right…on Rex’s right hand…which will be coincidentally on Jesus’ right hand. Don’t quote me on that.”

Word on the street is that Jesus watches New York Jets football (and by Jesus I don’t mean the guy I teach English to in the ESL program); I mean did you see that comeback? What a miracle that was. Dallas, I’m sorry but Jesus doesn’t love you or BYU…this week.

Rumor has it Anthony doesn’t want to talk about playoffs, but when asked about whose team he thought looked like a sure winner; and team to beat in the playoffs he absolutely gushed about Jeffry’s team. “If Jeff’s team was a man I would want to be his hot lover. It keeps me up at nights; honest to God it does. I log on to espn probably twenty times a day just to stare at it; marvel at its beauty; its genius. It’s probably the Miami Heat of fantasy football teams. Drew Brees? Are you #%*&$ kidding me? How can you top that?”

Rumor has it that Anders is the Varys (the eunuch from Game of Thrones) of fantasy football…his little birds are everywhere…

Word on the street is that Jason was so very excited to be the one to create Dale Nation this year. “Honestly, I wasn’t too impressed with the league name last year; however, ESPN has a better site save for the fact I can no longer add my own logo for my team. ESPN’s logos are super lame. “

Jason went on to give some other possible names for the fantasy league:

Condom Nation

McKenna Football Rules

The Clap (A fantasy football nation)

Abomijason Nation

Bishop Bowen’s 3 B’s

Furthermore, Jason wasn’t impressed with the QB TD’s only being worth 4 points last year; so he devised a plan on how to change it back to 6. Rubbing his hands in anticipative glee; he sent out the Facebook message letting everyone read of the change knowing full well that his greatest opponent was no longer on Facebook. When asked about the change after the formation of Dale Nation 5 Jason responded, “What? No one moved a finger to create the league; so instead of all this boo hooing about the change back to 6 points just remember whose ass it was that I pulled out of the fire. Without me there would be no Dale Nation! I AM DALE NATION!” Jason slammed his palm on his table…then composed himself; stuck his nose up in the air, and folded his arms and said, “Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Fantasy Football.”

Rumor has it that Austin Robert English started a kicker that didn’t even play…Nate Kaeding (the kicker) is out for the season. He apologized to his fantasy owners…especially after his high draft position. He invited Austin to the Isle of Tortuga. Austin, just remember he apologized. Just let it go.

Word on the street is that the Rat is up to his old tricks again; leading the Dale Nation in points scored from week one. Good job guy!

Rumor has it that the song, It's not gay if it's in a 3 way was inspired by Austin English and Ryan Lee. A very anonymous and reliable source says that they can prove it with the replay. Furthermore, the whole thing about nothing being gay if there's a football around and the "nice ass" ass grab is just another excuse to touch each other. Apparently, Anders has heard the giggling coming from the next room for some time now.

Word on the street has it that everyone and their dog is trying to pick up Cam Newton off of waivers. I hope Austin QB Factory English picks him up.

Norwegian Power Rankings:

1. The Rat
2. Baby Bee
3. Brandi
4. The Itch
5. It's good mood food
6. I Jaced in my fine pant (Arcteryx)
7. Camsa (Volcano!)
8. Flyer
9. Marckennian Childrens
10. Utah Jerzz
11. Brick-tastic
12. Awesomeness!
    

Fantasy Football Word on the Street Pre-season

It was a balmy 65 degrees Fahrenheit in Austin Robert English’s condo. I was all wrapped up in a Mountain Hardware sleeping bag rated down to 20. I thought I’d be okay in that. Little did I know the coming chill that would encompass my whole being. I was playing the latest installment of the Final Fantasy series (which is probably the worst ever) when my leg started to vibrate; one vibrate for text, multiple vibrates for a call. There was a single long vibrate that seemed to course up my leg like a girl playing “are you nervous.” It could have lasted hours; that first vibrate. There was only one vibrate. That’s how I knew it was only a text. I paused my game just as Lightning was about to deal a killing blow on an adamantoise to check my phone. I looked to see who the message was from but all it said was “Anonymous.” My heart started to beat faster as I opened the message to read the contents. Suddenly the 65 degrees didn’t feel so balmy as the text registered in my mind. It read, “Send me the word on the street or else.” That’s when I knew…Jonathan Street is still upset about not getting the word on the street.

JT sighting! Rumor has it that JT has been sighted outside of his abode. Apparently while making a purchase at Smiths, market fresh everyday…Smiths!, Anders heard his name being said and turned. JT was standing there. A little scruff was on his face and he was looking like he had just woken from a cat nap. Anders could almost picture him answering the door at Scotty’s with a Raider blanket slung over his shoulders. He said hello and vanished into the Smith.

Word on the Street has it that Jason is mentioned in Katy’s relationship blog.

According to a very anonymous and very reliable source at a recent drop Anthony and Jeff were recently overheard at the docks talking under a single street lamp in the dead of night. It went something like this:

Anthony: “If I told you the Loch Ness monster hired me to hit the harbor, what would you say?”

Jeffry: “Yeah, I’d sooner believe Keyser Soze hired you.”

Anthony: “Who is Keyser Soze?”

Jeffry: “Who is Keyser Soze?

Anthony: “Yeah, what did I say? Who is Keyser Soze?”

Jeffry: “Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.”

Anthony: “Do you believe in him, Jeffry?

Jeffry: “Jason always said, "’I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him.’" Well, Anthony, I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.”

Word on the street is that the British comedy The IT Crowd is the best show ever (probably old news). Actually, I’m just hoping Johnny reads this spreads the word in his Jerms…

Rumor has it that after much testing in his labs at work and home Cams has found the answer to the long asked question, “How is babby formed?”

Word on the street is that The Itch is a form of VD similar to that of Moby Dick. Not quite so cumbersome as The Butterfinger but easier to catch than Crabs or The Stomp.

Rumor has it that Sandi drafted Bryan’s team after she had broken out of her cage and beaten him severely. Now here are her preseason rankings:

1. Team B-ry

2. Raider – ettes

3. I’m thinking RB’s

4. The Rat

5. The Itch

6. The Clap

7. The Stomp

8. Utah Jerzz

9. Brick-tastic

10. Awesome

11. How is Babby Formed?

12. I Jaced in my Pant

13. . P F Flyers

14. Stuff N Things (Someone tell Cams to change his abbreviation to STFU)

15. Hey Guy

16. The Amazing Bratwurst of Saxony

Rumor has it that league Dale Nation has formed a super conference and has 16 teams. Pac16 and Sec16 to follow?

Word on the street is that during halftime of the BYU game Austin Robert English was racing bees outside his condo. He wanted to test his speed against bee speed since he heard it was similar to SEC speed. This might not seem so daring a feat; however, did I mention these were killer bees and that Austin is allergic to bees? After soundly defeating the killer bees and after the BYU game Austin said, “SEC speed what?”

Rumor has it that Bryan is now confined to Sandi’s cage. Sandi is now in control of Team B-ry. (Sandi if you’re reading this; Bryan text messaged me to let you know to please muck out his cage).

Word on the street is that Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

No chance you're still reading this but if you are…Notable Quotes:

From JT to Shelly…

JT: “Work that dance floor. They may vote you Mayor Jazz one day and give you a plaque that says ‘She wore the tightest of pants’.”

Shelly: “I was already wearing tight pants...I just did not activate them!”

Cameron digresses about lunch:

Cams: “I just got back from lunch and it could not have been worse. The entire thing was a disaster and I don’t plan on getting any work done for the rest of the day. Here’s a list of my lunch break/the apocalypse:

1. I forgot a fork and had to use a public fork
2. I was the only person in the kitchen who wasn’t pregnant
3. I burned my hand on leftover rice
4. I smiled at a cute girl and she didn’t smile back
5. My pear wasn’t even ripe”

Word on the street is that the other night the greatest thing ever in the world happened. I can't say what it is, but it was great. I wanted to tell everyone, but they said I couldn't. It was definitely way better than what you would think it would be, if you knew what it was. And you would for sure guess that it would be pretty amazing.

I can't think of anything else.

The Word on the Street

The Word on the Street

Anders has been known to secrete a white milky-like substance which researchers have found to be quite moisturizing. They have made it available to the public as, Norwegain Formula Lotion. A.R.E (Austin Robert English) has been spotted from time to time basting himself in the sweet Norse delight.

Confirmed! Anders is a stalker. Word on the street is that he was so upset he wasn’t invited to Lauren’s hot tub super secret extravaganza that he decided to get the inside

scoop and spy all evening. He especially liked Mirinda’s polka dot swimsuit number, but became especially entranced on Lauren’s tankini bikini with black bottom combo…not because it was so awesome (it was pretty much the best thing ever) but that there was a certain “bulge.” This in turn made Anders’ eyes bulge somewhat as he did his best Austin Thompson gawking glare of gawki-ness. Furthermore he was even more surprised when said “bulge” popped out when Lauren stood up to adjust. It turns out that this “bulge” was actually a package of lil’ smokies that she was saving for a late “date.” What can be learned from this is that Anders is indeed a stalky McStalker-ton and Lauren

might be a mans.

According to a very anonymous and very reliable source (Andy’s bike seat), Andy has been rumored to shove pieces of coal up his bottom and creating diamonds with the sheer force of his clench. The clench is so powerful that the diamonds are immediately turned to diamond dust (same as from Shiva in FF7-FF13) and used in tandem with “Norwegian Formula” thus creating women’s face cream.

Rumor has it that the Beaudin Twins (Empress Emily “may she live forever” and Paig

e-hime) actually attend pancake every week, in the form of precious baby kitties. They do

this so they can spy on the evening proceedings to gather classified information discussed only at pancake night on a weekly basis...I mean bi-weekly.

Anders, when asked why he likes to climb mountains, replied 'I just like being on top'. The fact contained in this admission have been verified by multiple very reliable sources; the most important of which would be Jason “the face, lace, sace, pace picanti sauce, the Jace” McKenna who commented that the screams prod uced by the Norwegian while 'on top" can be heard for miles.

An addendum to this is that Anders also marks his territory on the summit of each precipice he climbs…earth, stone, snow, and flesh.

Something interesting that has recently been reported is that #1 can (and does all the time) crack walnuts with the herculean strength housed in her thighs similar to Xenia Onatopp in James Bond GoldenEye. If any man has been intimidated by Ashley now they know why (I mean...I know I have) as any nut in a five yard radius will feel threatened by imminent doom only a leg squeeze away.

Rumor has it that Carolina has qualms about seeing bratwursts dipped in maple syrup and says according to Australian custom it’s right up there with dating a “blackie”. However, whenever this act is done in front of her she blushes something fierce and licks her lips like her tongue kno

ws how she wants it… some have speculated (Kelly and Savannah) that Carolina has this reaction because of other bratwursts that have been dipped before

…

Rumor has it that late at night when Anthony “Tony Pimpa” and Jeffry McKenna are caught in the rat trap late at night and are gazing ever so sweetly into each others lust filled eyes that Anthony likes to set up his video camera and uh…have a little fun. Word on the street is that Anthony will dress up like Papa Smurf and Jeffry will dress up like

Smurfette. Sometimes Big Baby will be there and will dress up like Hefty Smurf and Jace will pop in there and will dress up like Vanity Smurf as Papa Smurf, Handy Smurf, and Smurfette all get down. Later during the week when Anthony is feeling a little lonely he’ll dress up like Papa Smurf and beat off to the tape.

Rumor has it that Candice is fed up with Austin’s behavior these days. According to a very reliable and very anonymous source one of Candice’s complaints was heard, “How can you spend hours with your hands glued to a controller and not have time to make those

home-teaching appointments?”

Anthony’s account of Jeffry’s last date (Rumor has it he was there!):

Jeffry: I'm taking you on a date tonight.

Pretty Girl: A date? After five weeks of relationship? That sounds like super fun.
Jeffry: It's a salad date. We're going to dinner to have big salads and beer. I'm getting the Julienne salad and a nice pale ale they have on tap.
Pretty Girl: I love you more at this moment than any other.
Jeffry: But first we're going shopping at Moosenuckle. I'm going to get a pair of Dr Bob Banks pants a size too big, and buy you a Jenna Rink hoody.
Pretty Girl: Who's Jenna Rink?
Jeffry: You're adorable. It doesn't matter, you'll love it. When we get home tonight, we'll try on our new Moosenuckle clothes and model them for one another. See where things go...
Pretty Girl: You are my superhero. Let's go.
The evening helped make their relationship one of the bestest ever in the history of everness. They lived well beyond happily ever after, in comfort. And the salads were great.

According to word on the street lore, back in the day when Mirinda was 17 she was always Jason’s Konstantine. Mirinda would be walking down the stairs and Jace would say, “doesn't she look good…standing in her underwear, but dammit she’s so young…well I don't thi

nk I care.” Now that they’re older and they had been parted for some 6 years they met up again and Mirinda said, “The present's just a pleasant interruption to the past.” And then Mirinda took a Jace home. She was so afraid to be alone and now Jace was sleeping in her living room. Then Jason’s Konstantine came walking down the stairs and all a Jace could do was touch her long blond hair. Jace couldn’t help but thinking of all the nights that he’d been drinking. He couldn’t help but remember all those nights with her in his car with Jimmy Eat World and how Mirinda would say she saw the first star of the night but Jason thought it was cute because the first star wasn’t really a star. Jason would tell her how he was sorry for all the hell he put Mirnda through. And as she came down the stairs he catches the clock it's 11:11 and now Mirinda wants to talk and now it’s not hard for a Jace to dream. Mirinda will always be his konstantine.

Rumor has it that Mirinda has found herself a Constantine as she recently confessed to Anders:

Mirinda: I'm not that young anymore...23. I'm gettin’ older, but...I found myself a Konstantine. He’s 21. I love him! *she laughs* Oops…I didn’t mean to say that.

Anders: Yeah…that was uncalled for.

Mirinda: Yeah, but it's true Anders, and I won't take it back.

Anders: *sighs* Just go have babies already.

Mirinda: I want to.

Anders: ew.

Mirinda: just like 3 babies and then I want to write a pregnancy blog about it. Don’t you think that would be so cute!?

Anders: ugh...

Word on the street is that Jeffry is bringing back the "stink move." If anyone would like to know more about this just ask Anthony "Tony Pimpa

" or Jeffry for details.

Rumor has it that when #2 is ovulating she has "dreams" about ladies...and apparently it has been reported by very anonymous and very reliable sources (Kelly Nicholes) that the girl of choice is Mirinda Pettit dressed up like Leeloo from The Fifth Element. "Perfect."

Rumor has it that Emily Beaudin has been a little reckless since her parents and Paige-Hime have been out of town for the past week. According to our source, Emily had a party last Saturday night and just invited a bunch of sausage and steaks. The consequence of this action left Emily severely impregnated. When Celeste heard the news she was heard to be very jealous not only for the various flavors of pork products but because of the baby itself. It turns out that Emily is pro-choice and is addicted to abortions. Sources say she's had so many abortions she is const antly just looking for things to abort. It turns out that she aborted her meat baby outside the Broadway Theatre in downtown SLC so everyone could see Emily's Choice.







Rumor has it that if you invite Paige to do anything she won't do it. Events everywhere, including Dexter and Lost have decided not to invite her because she won't come. Rumor has it that Anders is Paige-Hime's boyfriend. This actually isn't true. Anders is like her brother.

Rumor has it that the Akudama from the west deep in the forest where gods and demons dwell have been sighted in the Utah Valley University Parking lot. Sources say that th ey were seen near a beast with a face like a human (Scott) and the body of a deer driving them about. Nevertheless, according to ancient calculations...their presence shows that the forest here is healthy.

8.4.09

Word on the Street 8/4/09

Jonathan still isn’t getting the word on the street so if someone would go ahead and forward this to him. Kthx!

It’s official. The longest “Eff” word ever spoken goes to Emily Beaudin when a deer jumped out in front of her car. From the moment the glowing eyes of the deer locked onto Emily’s the word erupted from her lips and didn’t stop until the car came to a complete stop. The deer was unharmed and pranced away into the darkness bearing a curious resemblance to a cross between cookie monster and Josh Vancott. The previous longest “eff” word was Drew Barrymore’s Eff word in Donnie Darko after she found out that she had been sacked.

Rumor has it that Ashley Wick is always turned on…a very anonymous and even more reliable source has said. Rumor has it her “turn on” button has malfunctioned and is permanently stuck in the on position…rumor has it she pushed the button herself so many times that it’s now stuck broken.

Word on the street is that Jason! disappeared for a few days and no one knows where he was. When asked where he was he’ll tell you he was hiking, but for the first time ever this exclusive story is out. What really happened those few days and nights he was gone can be pieced together with the help of a number of eyewitnesses that place him near Scott’s old house. For those of you not in the know there is irrevocable proof that there is a portal in the back of Scotty’s old house located over the old stump now known simply as Stump. Debbie Bowers, an innocent bystander, reports that she first suspected something might not be right when she heard what sounded like cats in heat scratching around her wood fence in the back yard. Her dog was desperately trying to dig a hole under the fence because of the extreme smell of nut-funk and pheromones which led Debbie to look through the fence while puffing deeply on her smoke. Peeking through the wood fence at the stump she saw Jason McKenna climb onto it in his nakedness while braying like some flavor of banshee. There was then a flash of light and Jason was never seen again…until later that day. Rumor has it that he woke up with a severe migraine in a cage in Emily’s Kiddy Porn dungeon, dehydrated and near death.

Debbie Bowers Said dog

Rumor has it that Emily’s Kiddy Porn dungeon isn’t the kind of dungeon we’ve all thought. According to a very naked and very reliable source (Jason) the dungeon is actually a Kitty Porn dungeon where Emily makes films of baby kitties doing all sorts of inappropriate things; turning all her baby kitties into naughty kitties. Noises like those found in Professor Umbridge’s office can be constantly heard emanating from Emily’s closet…

Word on the street is that Josh Vancott is actually Global Warming. For the past few months he has been trying to convince the world that he exists. While he secretly hates Al Gore and manbearpig alike he secretly lauds there efforts to bring the world the truth that he, global warming, does indeed exist. He has even set up a website to let you know. It’s www.Iamglobalwarming.com

According to a very reliable and anonymous source Lil’ button calls her bagina the spaghetti O. Sources say that all it needs now is the meat balls.

Rumor has it that the Dale and Janey sex machine is going into retirement. After years and years of hard working alongside its friend the ceiling mirror it is calling it quits. Apparently the reason for this is because well, no one can do it like Dale and Janey.

Word on the street is that “love sack” is now a new slang word in place of the scrotum not to be confused with the already popular love sacks that adorn many zoobee apartments.

Rumor has it that when gingers or gingers and day walkers touch their freckles together in an Eskimo kiss a freckle baby is formed that has no soul (Which is no wonder since gingers never have souls). It grows ever on the hate and soulless state of the red head until it sprouts as a growth similar to that on Robby Hardman’s chest. Once in its mature state the body’s consciousness will transfer to the growth and break off of the body and sprout into a full size ginger similar to Ashley Wick. And this, my friends, is how gingers reproduce.

Rumor has it that Emily K Beaudin and Anders J Berge were at the hospital with Austin R English last Monday and had skipped FHE to go eat at the cafeteria there. Apparently there were two babies. One was crying and the other was just screaming because it was happy. Emily turned toward Anders with a look of disdain plastered on her face and muttered, “You know, babies don’t have to be crying to be annoying.”

Anders took a larger than necessary bite out of his footlong corn dog after slathering the end in a thick batter of ketchup and mustard and choked out, “They should all be destroyed,” between chews. Austin remained silent curiously fixated on his nachos. Anders swallowed his huge bite and said, “You know, I don’t think any babies are ever planned blessings from heaven. I think they are all mistakes.” Emily ponders this for a microsecond and responds, “Yeah, and you and I are mistakes too. I was a mistake.” Anders smiles and says, “I was the biggest mistake. If only guys could keep their own corn dogs in their pants.” He looks down at the corn dog he’s been devouring and smiles even larger and takes another huge bite of it, “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” he says as his eyes roll back in his head.

Rumor has it that Aaron Thompson can fit an entire chicken in his mouth at once along with various other types of meats. While feeding thus pig noises emit from his mouth. Eventually he will turn into a pig and squeal vehemently if anyone tries to touch his food…especially his bananas.

Rumor has it that a Norwegian’s kryptonite has been found. Apparently, when a fat person is in close proximity with a Norwegian their head starts to ache. This rumor has confirmed when a fat woman got to close to Anders and his head went directly to his hand trying to stifle the pain.

If you're a fan of Josh Vancott then you know the line, "Chaz shakes his tail when he knows what he wants." Well, apparently the rumor going around the hen house is that Josh Vancott knows all about wagging tails because he has one (it's not the same as Robby Hardman's growth if that's what you're thinking). A very anonymous and very reliable source has said that when JVC was ordering sushi his tail started wagging viciously (more viciously than would a Chaz in a kennel full of tea cup chihuahuas in heat). Upon closer inspection...it was found that Chaz had actually burrowed a hole in JVC's pants and...had apparently found something he wants...

Rumor has it that Mirinda Pettit is now prego with a food baby. It has been confirmed that the name of the bastard has been named Baby Rindy in honor of the great late Asparagus Rindy of Magna, Utah. It was initially thought that Care Bears fruit snacks was the father but a DNA test has confirmed that "Sloppy Joe" is indeed the real father. And yes Mirinda we do know who "Sloppy Joe" really is so you can stop calling him that or at least say what is so sloppy about it, but we've always known how you like it sloppy.

I know we can't really believe it but...in other news we can now celebrate the 11 year anniversary of Anders getting his first kiss! And if he can remember anything about it it was spectacular. I'm pretty sure he was wearing a brown cordory jacket and was full on rape kissed. He resisted at first, not only because the girl's sister was in the truck, but he eventually realized...that it was like "sex with Kobe Bryant...it's gonna happen."

Speaking of Robby Hardman's growth. I saw it the other day and I must say it's not looking too bad. It said "Hi" and asked me how I've been doing and the like. Apparently he said that he has now achieved warlord status along with other thought to be short lived growths of hell that get trapped in the mortal coil such as the plant from little shop of horrors or the pimple on Chris Griffon's face or the growth on Ander's leg that just won't seem to go away even after 2 months of medicated pads...holy Saint Francis that was a long run on sentence.

In inernational news BFP has finally achieved sainthood in Canadia for his ongoing and selfless exploits in the field of servicing medical equipment for old ladies that should have died already and men named Bill (Compton?) I can never remember his name...if you haven't heard the F stands for Francis.

More on the kiss...she tasted like cherry chapstick and maybe Anders swooned. Can guys swoon? Whatever it was it was really really nice once he just relaxed...and let it happen.

Well, I have some knews that you're all sure to have been waiting for for a long time. Amanda has finally gone through puberty. If you're like me you were eagerly anticipating this wondering when she would stop being Lucius Farris. The bad news is that her boobs came through on her back...now don't get me wrong but...it's a little odd to look at but she sure is fun to dance with! Oh, snap! (I think I just heard Robbie snap)

In last month's "Kind of a Big Deal" magazine an artical was featured stating that the character Mr. Burns from the Simpsons is actually based on Paige Beaudin who has every disease known to man (she's always going to the doctore) but they offset each other so she's perfectly fine...in other news it was found that another Simpsons character, Mr. Smithers, is based off of Anders in that like Smithers dreams of Mr. Burns, Anders dreams of the Bonus Beaudin flying through his window every night.

I was looking through the Thrifty Nickle the other day and came across an add from a miss sister Emily Beaudin. I have recorded the article as follows, "Looking for new friend to replace Kathleen. Mostly children (boys) wanted. Pay DOE! Lumberjack outfit a must. People skills prefered. If female 'what we need is a smurfette, you know, someone who will get down and dirty with the guys like smurfette does.'"

Quotes of Note:

“I’ve never kissed a girl…but I would.”

-Ashley Wick’s response to being asked if she’s into girls. We all know she would too…just ask Mirinda.

“Our friendship just hung in the balance!”

-Emily Beaudin’s words after being touched by Jason McKenna’s big toe.

“That’s what you get”

-Anders Berge says whenever something bad happens to someone else.

“Why do I always get stuff?”

-Austin English after something bad has happened to him and Anders has said the above quote.

“Because you’re a git.”

-Anders’ response to the above quote.

“Show my head to everyone. It’s something they should see.”

-Jason’s future final words at his execution via decapitation.

“Beer is proof that God wants us to be happy.”

-Thomas Jefferson

“You know that girl that all the boys talk about saying, ‘that’s what she said?’ Well, that’s me. I’m that girl.”

-Emily Beaudin on the perversion that is Emily Beaudin.

“…I’m pretty much the Queen Bitch of the universe...”

-Sarah Kerrigan

“Turkey Arm says interception on this next play.”

-Tyler Halls aka Coach says as he swings his arm letting his relief society fat/triceps muscle waddle back and forth which apparently has the ability to predict the future. Whoever is able to unleash the turkey arm first has the power over the future in McKenna football.

“I got my DW.”

-Jeff McKenna on getting some actions. In other news Jeff's D now goes by the name Meat and Potatoes.

“Just some people.”

-Bryan Park after being asked by Sandi where he was all night.

“Check this action!”

-Aaron Thompson when playing vintage Smash Bros. usually when performing the falcon kick with Captain Falcon on the N64.

“Hush girl and close your lips. Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.”

-Kelly Nicholes after winning a game of apples to apples with the tump of all trump cards, Hellen Keller, when the adjective card says sad, pathetic, or dirty. Take that charging rhinos.

“Pfff…maybe.”

-Paige Beaudin